by Christina Ryan Claypool
Words are a powerful tool. Some folks never learn just how powerful they
are. Rather, by not guarding what they say, they spend their lives
wreaking emotional havoc wherever they go. In explanation,
loving words can heal a broken bond, while hurtful remarks could destroy
a relationship forever. The importance of governing words is sometimes
lost on those who grow up in dysfunction, like I did. We can become
misguided individuals believing that as long as we aren’t physically
abusing anyone, screaming, or cursing; that verbal attacks are
acceptable.
What happened behind closed doors when we were children, is often not an
acceptable role model for healthy communication. No matter our age, and
regardless of how painful our past has been, it’s wrong to think that
God allows His children to wound others. West central Ohio’s Pastor
Randy Bargerstock shared this poignant truth in a message once. He said
that there is a lie that some people believe that when they have been
hurt, this gives them the right to hurt others.
The Bible contradicts this falsehood, “The good man from his inner good
treasure flings forth good things, and the evil man out of his inner
evil storehouse flings forth evil things. But I tell you, on the Day of
Judgment men will have to give account for every idle (inoperative,
non-working) word they speak. For by your words you will be justified
and acquitted, [or]…you will be condemned and sentenced.” Matthew
12:35-37
Not only will we be called to account for our words, but the kind of
life that we live today is dependent on healthy communication. After
all, Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the
tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death
or life].”
In explanation, unchecked anger, lack of forgiveness, or
bitterness, can drive us to say cruel things to others. In Matthew 12:34
we are told that, “…For out of the fullness (the overflow, the
superabundance) of the heart the mouth speaks.”
“If we permit wrong thoughts [or motives] to dwell in our hearts, we
will ultimately speak them. Whatever is hidden in our hearts will sooner
or later be expressed openly through our mouths,” cautions Evangelist
Joyce Meyer.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages also believes that
words have great impact. He even identifies, “Words of Affirmation,” as a
basic love language for some individuals. “
One way to express love
emotionally is to use words that build up,” explains the bestselling
writer. “Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful
communicators of love,” adds Chapman.
However, sometimes relationships, and especially marriages, fall into a
vicious cycle where partners exchange criticisms and complaints, instead
of encouraging words. When a relationship reaches this point, author
and speaker, Nancy Leigh DeMoss suggests fasting critical comments for
30 days to break the destructive pattern.
Because a man’s greatest need in relationship is respect,
the harm of
disrespectful words can cause great division. Since a woman’s primary
need is for love, she will also begin to have damaged emotions from
constant verbal criticism.
Biblical writer, James understood the power of words. “But the human
tongue can be tamed by no man. It is a restless…evil, full of deadly
poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse men
who were made in God’s likeness! Out of the same mouth come forth
blessing and cursing. These things, my brethren, ought not to be so.”
James 3:8-10
We can’t tame our own tongues, but God can. After all, most of us
realize that domestic violence is never acceptable often forgetting that
verbal battering is another form of abuse. Therefore, ask the Holy
Spirit to guard your mouth during disagreements. In addition, realize
that you don’t have to raise your voice to be abusive. Rather a
demeaning tone or the viciousness of accusatory words can break a loved
one’s heart. I will honestly admit that I’m writing this, because
controlling my words has been one of my greatest life struggles.
If you are like me, and you do feel yourself losing control, walk away
from the situation, until you are able to deal with the confrontation
more calmly. Also, apologize to those you have wounded in the past,
assuring them that you are working on communicating more appropriately.
Pray for wisdom, requesting God’s help in changing destructive verbal
behavior. “But the wisdom from above is first of all pure; then it is
peace loving, courteous, (considerate, gentle). [It is willing to] yield
to reason, full of compassion and good fruits…” James 3:17
If you have read all of the above, then please watch this incredibly
insightful, but very short video that millions of viewers have seen on
YouTube. You will be amazed at how we say, what we say, affects our lives.
Christina Ryan Claypool is a 1st place Amy Award winning freelance
journalist and Christian speaker. She is the author of the book, Seeds
of Hope for Survivors. Contact her through her Website at www.christinaryanclaypool.com
