How to Read the Bible and Enjoy It

By M. Hyatt

 

I remember the first time I tried to read the Bible for myself. I found my grandfather’s copy on a shelf in his living room. I was nine years old.

I sat down on the floor, cross-legged, with the Bible on my lap. I opened it slowly … reverently … and began to read.

• I was fascinated by God’s creation of the heavens, earth, and man in Genesis 1–2.
• I was swept into the drama of man’s temptation and fall in Genesis 3.
• I was saddened by Cain’s murder of Abel in Genesis 4.

I felt like I had discovered a lost book—the key to the universe! I was captivated.

Then I hit the “begats” in Genesis 5.

Oh boy.

My eyes glazed over.

I closed the Bible, stood up, and slipped it back on the shelf. I didn’t pick it up again for another ten years.

So many people have told me they’ve had similar experiences. They know they should read the Bible; they just don’t know how to begin.

Even if you are not a Christian—or don’t consider yourself a spiritually-inclined person—the Bible is worth reading. Without question, it has had a greater impact on Western civilization than any other book published.

You can’t understand great literature, common metaphors, or cultural allusions without a basic knowledge of these ancient texts. (I use the plural because the Bible is actually a collection of books.)

But how do you start? The Bible is, after all, a big book! I have read it through several times. In fact, my goal is to read it through every year, though it some times takes a little longer.

This has served me well in so many ways. I find myself referring to the stories and sayings again and again. The best part is they have become the foundation and raw material for everything I do.

In this post, I thought I’d share how I read the bible. It’s not the only way to do it, of course. But I thought this might be helpful to you if you want to read it all the way through and partake of its treasures on a regular basis.

1. Read at a set time each day. As I learned a long time ago, what gets scheduled gets done. I read the Bible first thing each morning, so I don’t get side-tracked by something else.
2. Distinguish between reading and study. When I am reading, I don’t try to do word studies, read commentaries, or chase cross-references. While this can be valuable, I consider it Bible study—something I reserve for other times. The goal for my reading is breadth not depth.
3. Use a balanced, Bible reading plan. This is key. I read from four passages each day: Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs. This way, if I hit a dry patch in one section, I can usually get something out of another. Innumerable plans are available. This year I am using the One Year Bible.
4. Read in an easy-to-understand translation. Some may disagree, but a paraphrase is fine for Bible reading (not study). The key is to use a translation that helps you to understand what you are reading. I usually read in a different translation each year, just so the text doesn’t become so familiar I stop paying attention.
5. Highlight or underline as you read. Maybe the thought of marking in a Bible scandalizes you. I hope not. It helps me focus my attention and get back to those passages that I find particularly meaningful. I read on a Kindle, so I also have access to those highlights in the cloud and in Evernote.
6. Identify at least one key take away. Personally, my goal in Bible reading is not merely to increase my knowledge; I want to change my life (see James 1: 22–25). This begins by paying attention to what I am reading and marking those passages that seem particularly relevant to my current circumstances. When I am finished reading, I go back over my highlights and pick one to record in my journal, along with my response to it.
7. Don’t beat yourself up if you miss a day. This is difficult for me. I am a recovering achiever and a perfectionist. But it is essential if you are going to make progress. The truth is you are going to miss some days. It’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Just pick up the next day and keep moving.

The key, I think, is to keep the process simple. Don’t make it more complicated than it needs to be. Don’t get hung up on what you don’t understand.

Like Mark Twain once said, “It ain’t the parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.”

When things go wrong

I got this on my email yesterday. I hope we can all learn from it too...

5 Things To Do When Life Is Going Wrong

by: LaRae Quy

My first job out of college was in a fancy department store where I was quickly promoted to Buyer—but then my career stalled. For years I languished in the same dead-end job and soon my confidence ebbed away until I could no longer see a way out of my rut.

I had originally thought being a fashion buyer would be glamorous, but it didn’t take long to realize the position was nothing but a dog’s breakfast of whatever junk Headquarters didn’t want on their plate. I was a glorified clerk with a paycheck that ranked alongside those in poverty. I hated my circumstances so much that I contemplated suicide. Even that seemed a loser’s way out—the walls of my life had crumbled and I was left with the ruins.

 

When life gets really tough, my go-to book is the Old Testament text of the Bible.

These folks understood hardship! There I found a compelling story of a Jewish man named Nehemiah who was cup-bearer to the King of Persia almost five hundred years before the birth of Christ.  After learning that the walls of Jerusalem had broken down, Nehemiah asked for permission to return and rebuild them. So the King sent Nehemiah back as governor to complete this mission. As I read these verses, I realized and Nehemiah was an expert on rebuilding. He was also an expert in mental toughness.

 

Here are 5 things I learned from Nehemiah about what to do when things go wrong: 

1. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO SHED A FEW TEARS

The first thing Nehemiah did when the desolation of Jerusalem came to his attention was to grieve. He “weeps and prays for days” showing his intense concern.

Do you have a problem worthy of your attention and energy? Pay close attention to where your heart is broken so you can start doing something positive and constructive to change it.

You will never rebuild the walls of your life until you give yourself permission to properly grieve for what you have lost.  

Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. 

When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.

2. TAKE A LONG, HARD LOOK AT THE MESS YOU’RE STANDING IN

Nehemiah took a long, hard look at the rubble that surrounded him. You will never build the walls of your life until you have first truly noticed the ruins. Have you ever taken a good look at what has gone wrong in your own situation? 

If you are mentally tough, you can look at the ruins and see where to pick up the pieces and move on. Once you do, you will see not only the devastation but the possibilities as well. 

This could mean spending time in solitude, but solitude makes great things possible because it gives you the space you need to focus on your potential. 

If things are good right now, enjoy it; it won’t last forever.  If things are bad, don’t worry; it won’t last forever either. 

3. THAT FIRST STEP CAN BE A KILLER

When Nehemiah comes back to Jerusalem he doesn’t rush out and get everyone excited about the new project. Instead, he rose at night when no one else was around and surveyed the ruins. 

He made an accurate assessment of the situation and then began to make plans for a comeback. He spent time preparing both his head and heart. You need to do the same:

• Be cautious and start slow
• Take an honest survey of the situation
• Take note on what needs to be done.
• Develop a strategy before you start.

4. STOP COVERING WOUNDS WITH BANDAIDS AND START HEALING INSTEAD

As a child, I loved to show my scars to whomever was interested in learning about my exploits. I was proud of them because the adventure that produced the wound had usually been fun and always fulfilling.

Scars are not injuries; they are wounds that have healed.

Even as a kid I knew that scabs need to be left uncovered so they could get better. Keeping them hidden underneath a bandaid was only a temporary fix.

At some point, we become ashamed of scars and wounds because they represent hurts and failures that overshadow the thrill of pushing our boundaries and taking a risk. Nehemiah was confronted with hostility and assaults as he began rebuilding, but he wore his scars like the tattoo of a warrior who has been inside the ring and lived to tell the tale.

Be proud of your scars because you emerged even stronger than you were before. They indicate you have experienced pain, conquered it, learned a lesson, and moved on when things went wrong.

5. GET VERY CLEAR ON WHAT YOU REALLY WANT

Nehemiah had a clear plan; it only took fifty-two days to rebuild the walls surrounding Jerusalem!

When things go wrong it is merely an opportunity to test your determination on how much you want something. It doesn’t take a lot of mental toughness to pursue the easy stuff that falls your way, but if you really want something, despite failure and rejection, chances are good your heart is in it as well.

This is a fact of life: struggles are not found along life’s path; they are life’s path. The sooner you come to peace with this, the better. Once you find that path, however, there is no better feeling in the world than following the journey of your heart.

Do not be afraid to get back up when things go wrong—keep trying, and eventually you will find a path that leads toward your goals. It may not be the path you originally envisioned, but it will take you where you need to go.

What does it mean to rebuild the walls of your life? What’s something positive you try to keep in mind when everything seems to be going wrong?

Top 10 - Determination, Motivation, and Preparation

Written by Harold Herring

10. If you don’t pursue your vision for 2014…you will always be a slave to your circumstances or someone else’s vision.
9. We should NOT fear what the Word of God says we can overcome.
8. Never allow anyone other than God to determine your worth and value.
7. Oversleeping is NOT the way to make your dreams come true. If you need a nap…take it…then get up and get going. Proverbs 6:9-11
6. If you’re under attack…understand the enemy is paying attention to you…because he recognizes your potential for the Kingdom.

Here are the Top 5 Rich Thoughts Nuggets of the week.

5. Never be moved by what others think or say…only by what God directs you to accomplish.
4. As long as you have a dream…you will never be poor. No one can take your dream away but you can give up on it. Don’t.
3. Determination, motivation and preparation will always overcome any failure. The only way you ever fail…is if you quit.
2. Ask God today for direction on unclaimed wealth, unknown ideas and unused potential.
1. If life is a football game. God is the team owner. Jesus is the General Manager. The Holy Spirit is the coach and the Bible is your playbook.

God Sent What We Needed

If God had perceived that our greatest need was economic, He would have sent an economist.

If he had perceived that our greatest need was entertainment, he would have sent us a comedian or an artist.

If God had perceived that our greatest need was political stability, he would have sent us a politician.

If he had perceived that our greatest need was health, he would have sent us a doctor.

But he perceived that our greatest need involved our sin, our alienation from him, our profound rebellion, our death, and he sent us a Savior.

—D. A. Carson, A Call to Spiritual Reformation: Priorities from Paul and His Prayers (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1992), 109.

A pathway to Joy

Got this in my email this morning, I do not know who exactly wrote this but it is so true :) worth sharing.

~*~

image source : http://voicesofglass.com/category/joy/

A PATHWAY TO JOY

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read straight through and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America title.
4. Name ten people who have won either the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
 6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

So how did you do?

 The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners .

 Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
 3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
 4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with .

Easier?
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care . 

Christians and the Internet

It's 1:30 in the morning and I'm wide awake. I borrowed my sister's net book so I can go online this weekend. It's been a while since our old desktop computer completely gave up on us and I miss surfing the net at home. My social life has been off lately because of that and not that It's like I'm missing a lot but it's nice to interact with friends through social media at times. Plus I need to check my emails at home :)

But I tell you, once I'm connected there are lots of distractions out there in the world wide web, sometimes I lost track and find my self spending time on not so important stuff . With the huge information the internet is offering us, you can learn about  anything and everything in just few clicks of  your fingertips such as beer making supplies at HomeBrewIt.com and of course it's also in the internet where me and my husband learn about balloon designs :)

I just hope and pray that parents are there to guide their kids when they are online, it's like watching televisions and there should be parental guidance.

We don't have kids yet, but I monitor my niece and nephews use of the internet and I make sure to tell them warnings and what is not to do when they go online. After all, it's not only the real world that is dangerous but also the world wide web.

So take care everyone and just like what my husband said in our prayer meeting last night, as Christians, we should use the ever changing technology in our advantage, use every apps that is available for us to become more closer to God, you can download bible in different versions and a lot of good literature that can help us in our walk with God. Let us not allow the technology to become the reason for us to turn our backs from God, let's use it otherwise :)

Happy Sunday everyone and enjoy your corporate worship with your brothers and sisters in the Lord!!!

What to Do When You Have No Way Out

By Phil Cooke

image source : google

I’ll never forget the experience of being fired. I was 36 years old, with a wife and two small children. After telling my wife Kathleen, we sat on the bed, cried a little, and realized there was no way out. But looking back today, I can see the jolt of that experience was the best thing that could have ever happened. Shortly afterwards, we began the greatest journey of change we had ever experienced, because I had hit a wall. I had no other choice, and there was only one answer—change or die. Perhaps you’ve hit your wall. Maybe you’ve been fired, divorced, financially ruined, hit bottom from substance abuse, been humiliated, experienced failure, or had a close call with death. If your life has been completely turned upside down, and you’re at the end of your rope, then you have it easy.

That’s right—you have it easy! Doing the research for my book on how to change your life called “Jolt!” I discovered that the most difficult aspect of changing your life is beginning – taking the first step. Most people rest on their laurels, take the easy way out, rationalize their options—anything—to keep from changing. If you’ve hit your wall and have no other options, then your decision is already made. Your choice has been decided and you’re on the way up! But if you haven’t quite hit bottom yet and been jolted into reality, the choice is going to be much tougher.

Your arguments might include: Sure I’m frustrated with my job, but at least it’s a paycheck, and a lot of people are out of work right now. I’m not really drinking that much, and after all, I could quit just about any time. Oh, I dreamed about a different life, but that was a kid’s dream. It’s not really something that’s realistic for me to pursue now. I could advance faster if I got my college degree, but I work all day, so why should I spend my evenings going to class? I could go on and on. I don’t know your particular frustration, but I’m sure you have a million excuses for why you’ve never begun your journey to change. You haven’t hit your particular wall, so your life could easily go on for years, maybe your whole life, before you realize you’ve traded your dreams for a shallow, empty copy.

“The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.” – Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger

The truth is, as long as we see any other way out, very few of us will muster the will to make real change happen. But the good news is, hitting a wall can be your ticket to freedom because it forces you to change course and to do it now. A friend thought he was doing fine until doctors discovered he had developed cancer of the esophagus. His treatment and recovery forced him to leave his business and literally took him out of everything for more than four years. Thinking his career was over, he nearly gave up. But hitting that wall jolted him, and the experience completely changed his perspective on life. As a result, he’s transformed his thinking about his purpose for living, and guess what? His cancer even went into remission and he’s back at work.

Whatever your wall—getting fired, losing your home, receiving the medical diagnosis you’ve dreaded, closing your business, bankruptcy, divorce, whatever—it doesn’t have to be the end. As terrible as the wall may be, you can overcome it if you use the moment to jolt you back to reality. You have to face the fact that circumstances won’t change until you change. Family members won’t change until you change. Your job won’t change until you change. And your future will never change until you make a decision. Embrace the wall. Let it help you focus your mind and face the real truth about your situation.

---

Phil Cooke has produced media programming in more than 40 countries around the world, and in the process, been shot at, survived two military coups, fell out of a helicopter, and in Africa, been threatened with prison. And during that time, he's helped some of the largest non-profit organizations in the world navigate periods of dramatic disruption and change.

Reading

This was recommended and lent by my sister. I am just starting and I'm learning a lot about asking God on almost anything  - meaning involving Him in my everyday routine, making me more sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

Thank you Lord for Joy Dawson's book and life.

Preparing for Sunday morning service

I read a good article/devotional yesterday. And because I read it while I am in the office, I printed it out and shared it to dear husband last night. I just feel it's very timely for us and I know we need it.

The article talks about preparing for Sunday morning service. You see, I have this very bad habit of staying up late during weekends and so most of the time I am having hard time waking up early for Sunday Service, though I am very very seldom late for the worship service proper, I am always late for the prayer and pre-worship before the service. I feel bad because our Pastor asked or rather required us to be there because we are part of the music team.

Now, on that article the author said on Item number

5: Rest long enough Saturday night to be alert and hopeful Sunday morning.

Not that I do not know it but I admit I often take it for granted, I think that Sunday worship begins Sunday morning but nope I was wrong, it should start Saturday night. The author also said that " without sufficient sleep, our minds are dull, our emotions are flat, our proneness to depression is higher, and our fuses are short.

Now, the husband and I made resolutions that we will never sleep late again on Saturday night except for unavoidable circumstances but for now, no more movies, no more internet surfing, no more facebook on Saturday evening, instead we will just meditate on God's word and pray and maybe put on some night cream and sleep.

If you want to read the whole article, you can find it here.

Some thoughts to ponder

Got this on my email this morning....just sharing..

To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to
A premature baby.....

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.


Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.


You will treasure it even more when
You can share it with someone special.


To realize the value of a friend or family member:

LOSE ONE.

Hold on tight to the ones you love!

The Cross

Awesome!! We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we can't. Whatever your cross, whatever your pain, there will always be sunshine, after the rain.... Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall; But God's always ready, to answer your call..... He knows every heartache, sees every tear, a word from His lips, can calm every fear.... Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night, But suddenly vanish, dawn's early light... The Savior is waiting, somewhere above, to give you His grace, and send you His love.... God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
...and you question God -'why me?'.. always look at the bigger picture.... A day without the Lord- Is a day wasted. ************************************************************************ Have a nice, quality time with God today! enjoy worshiping Him with your fellow believers :) I'm actually excited for this morning's Sunday Service because we have a Singaporean speaker, he ministered to us last Friday and it was amazing!! I'm sure God will do something great in the Sunday Service as well! For the meantime, I'm still up and reading about data center virtualization while listening to Hebrew songs in my background. I love the old songs and we are singing some of them in church later. Again, spend time with the Lord everyone!! It's worth it!!

paradox of our time

Got this again in my email and I can't help but agree and say that this is so sad and yet so true.

*********************************************************************************
A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


George Carlin

Love Books

Yes I do love books, I just mentioned in one of my recent posts that I am currently enjoying “god’s Smuggler” by Brother Andrew. This cost at least $10.07 when you buy it in Amazon books online shop. I want another one that was also recommended by a good frien. “Safely Home” is also about a persecuted church and I am sure that would be nice too.

If I have lots of extra money I’ll be spending lot for books. I hope I can pass on this love for reading to my kids (if ever we will have one) someday.

I remember I am still also reading a novel of Nicholas Sparks and yes I finally will have time to finish it this weekend.

God's Smuggler

I am currently enjoying this book. I think every missionary should read this one. It's speaking right through my heart. I am actually ashamed on how I am taking for granted the freedom of having the bible, the freedom of worshiping the Lord out loud without worrying of being caught.

Brother Andrew's story of how passionate he was in bringing bibles to churches who needs them most, churches in the closed countries sparked something in me. And God is clearly with him on his journeys, making the seeing eyes blind for his boxes of bibles and providing for his every need. One particular need God met right on time was a cake they needed for tea time. God is so amazing! He provides our every need,whatever you ask if you need it he will give it to you, even cattle supplies and a bed in my case.

Hubby is not into reading but I am encouraging him to read this book. We will need this when it's our time to go in our own mission field.

When someone you love lets you down - again

From : A better life
February 14, 2006 - by Dr. John Townsend

Have you ever been disappointed by someone in your life - your spouse, loved one, or friend - not just once, but several times? It could be something as small as them forgetting to bring home a quart of milk. Or it could be as massive as them breaking a vow of faithfulness to you.
However it happens, when we are let down in a loving relationship, it can be a very painful experience. This is because it works against an essential ingredient of life that we all need - hope.

All relationships need hope or the positive anticipation that our connection to this person will be safe, fulfilling, and growth-producing. We envision a bright and loving future with that person. But when there is a pattern of let-downs, the result is that hope deferred makes the heart sick (Prov. 13:12). And over time through many disappointments, hope - and love - can be seriously injured inside us.

One positive aspect of this sort of hurt is that it is a sign that your relationship is still alive. Your care and investment in the person causes you to be vulnerable to their behavior. Though they cause you pain, if you felt nothing it would mean that something has died. So that sort of hurt is a signal to you that this person still matters deeply to you.

If you have experienced being let down in a significant relationship, there are steps you can take that can go a long way to help you and the other person redeem the time and heal the wounds. Let's take a look at them:

Take the beam out of your eye. First, make sure that what you are concerned about is reality. Sometimes we mistake someone's directness for unkindness, or someone's forgetfulness for a lack of love for us. We can also be oversensitive to the imperfections of others or even judge others.

Pray about it and talk to safe and honest friends to make sure you have truly been hurt by an infraction. Ask, "What is my contribution to this?" "Am I seeing things in the light of reality?" Let them see your heart. Talk to the person about what they did that let you down. Don't blame or nag; rather, speak from your hurt and from your vulnerability. Let them see how they affect you when they let you down.

Often this brings out compassion and remorse inside the other person that helps them change. It takes humility and love to have this sort of dialogue instead of anger and fingerpointing. But it has a far better chance of reaching the other person.

Talk about patterns, not single events. Don't let the conversation get sidetracked into an argument about what happened on a particular date. Talk instead about patterns. For example: "It would be no big deal if you yelled at me once, everyone makes mistakes. But this is the third time, and that is a pattern. It's not OK, and I need to have things change." Patterns are a sign of character, so stay focused on patterns.

Ask for specific change. Let the person know in a loving but direct way that you need for something to happen: a promise to call beforehand if they will be late; to take responsibility for gossiping about you and apologize to the parties involved; a commitment to involving you in the family finances so that there is no impropriety. Specific requests get specific responses, and vague requests get nothing, so be clear with your person.

Determine your next move based on their response. After this, if your person responds positively and changes, celebrate and be grateful! You are seeing progress! If not, still keep persevering on the issue. But ultimately, if they refuse to change, you may need to put some limits on the relationship, depending on how severe the situation is.

Forgive. Regardless of how severe the situation and of the person's response, always take the path of forgiveness or canceling the debt they owe you. Forgive each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (Eph. 4:32) Forgiveness frees you, allows you to move on if you need to, and helps you accept realities that are difficult in grace and in love.

When someone lets you down, though it hurts, it is a signal to get to work on the relationship. Be a redemptive force, and take the first steps to reconciliation.

God bless you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you are all blessed by this article I found in my file a while ago.Have a good day everyone! I'm off to search some liporexall review and then later make a birthday card for our missionary friend who is celebrating her birthday today, we will give her a surprise party tonight. I know how lonely it can be when you are away from your lovedones especially on occasions like this so we want to make her feel she is loved.

Pull Together When You're Pulled Apart

Resolving Conflict in Marriage and Other Relationships
July 7, 2005 - by Rick Warren

Sometimes the biggest conflicts in marriage are over the most trivial issues. One of the silliest fights Kay and I ever had was over bath soap. For me, a hot steamy shower is a spiritual experience. Right up there with eating fresh cinnamon rolls. I also happen to be a person who gets bored very quickly with the same thing. So I like variety. I don't want to use the same kind of soap for 42 years.

One day I said to Kay I'd like some different kind of soap. But I said it in a way that sounded like our marriage was a failure because we used the same kind of soap all the time. Three or four months later at Christmas time, she personally wrapped and placed under the tree - 27 different bars of soap!

Every relationship, even good ones have conflict. If you don't know how to deal with it, how to resolve it, how to manage it, you can kill your relationship.

The Bible is very clear about it. Mark 3 says, "A home filled with strife and division destroys itself." We're going to look at some practical steps right out of God's Word that will help us Pull Together When We're Pulled Apart. If you're not married, you can use these principles in your business, with your best friend, with children, whatever. We all have conflict any time we're involved in relationship.

What causes conflict?

The Bible says conflict is caused by selfishness. James 4:1, "Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from selfish desires that war within you." I am basically a selfish person. I think of me before I think of anybody else. And you do too. I want what I want and you want what you want, and when these competing desires collide that's called conflict.
The night before I got married, my father in law sat down with us and said, "There are five areas where marriages usually have conflict: money, sex, in-laws, children, and communication." My father-in-law was a prophet. In our marriage we went five for five! We hit every single one of them.

Some of you are in major pain right now. You are frustrated to no end. You feel stuck in your relationship because you have argued about certain issues over and over in your relationship and there has been no resolution, much less reconciliation. You don't know what to do.
God says, "Here are some steps." I've seen these steps work in dozens, if not hundreds of couples.

If you're going to pull together, when you're pulled apart, you have to...

1. Call on God for help

Pray about it. Before you go to the other person and talk to them about the problem, discuss it with God. This may solve the problem right there. Before you start dealing with the issue, before you talk to anybody about the problem, talk to God about it, and ask Him for help.
I challenge you to practice what I call ventilating vertically. Many of you are very good at ventilating horizontally, but ventilating vertically is when you come to God. You come and say, "Here's how I feel." And you just lay it out.

James 4:2, "You quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God." This is so foundational; you have to get this point. Conflict often occurs when we expect other people to meet needs that only God Himself can meet in our lives.

One day you stood in front of a bunch of people and you said, "I do." What you were really saying was, "I expect." You weren't thinking about what you intended to do and the promises you were going to keep. You were thinking, "Good! All my needs are going to be met now! This person is the answer to my dreams and is going to fulfill me in every way." There is no person alive who could possibly meet all your needs. Only God can do that.

God says, "You quarrel and fight. You have unmet needs because you don't ask God." How do I know when I'm looking to other people instead of God to meet my needs' It's called anger. Anger is a warning light, which says, "I'm expecting somebody to meet my needs." When I have a need for you to be on time and you're late, or when I have a need for you to notice me and you don't, I get angry. God says, "Why don't you try talking to Me about it first." Instead of expecting your mate to meet all your needs, God wants you to look to Him. "You have not because you do not ask God."

2. Confess my part of the conflict

Before I start attacking and blaming, I need to do a frank evaluation and ask, "How much of this conflict is my fault? I need to do an honest checkup and admit my part. When you're wrong, admit it. And when you're right, shut up!

Be honest. Matthew 7:3, Jesus speaking, "Why do you look at the speck in another's eye and pay no attention to the log in your own eye' Take the log out of your own eye first and you'll be able to see clearly."

Everybody has blind spots. When Jesus says, "Before you start getting the sawdust speck out of your partner's eye, why don't you get the telephone pole out of yours?'' He is by exaggeration saying, check yourself out first.

I need to ask, "Am I being unrealistic? Am I being insensitive? Am I being over-sensitive? Am I being too demanding? Am I being ungrateful? Before I get involved in dealing with you, I first need to talk to God, and then look at myself and admit what problems I'm bringing in."
The number one excuse for divorce is, "We're just incompatible." That has an innocent, no fault air to it. Leading experts on marriage have this to say about the issue of compatibility.
'Dr. Paul Tournier, the Swiss psychiatrist who wrote in To Understand Each Other: "So called incompatibility is a myth invented by jurists in order to plead for divorce. It is likewise a common excuse for people to hide their own weaknesses and failings. Misunderstandings and mistakes can be corrected when there is a willingness to do so. The problem is the lack of complete frankness." And I'd add inflexibility.

'Dr. Arch Hart, who's spoken here at Saddleback, says, "If people can be divorced for incompatibility, I cannot conceive why all of us are not divorced."
Marriage is a life long process of overcoming your differences. The Bible says, "If we say we are without sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." Each of us has an infinite capacity for self-deception. I can blame you for all my problems. But the fact is, it's not incompatibility. It's selfishness and an unwillingness to change. Let's call it what it is.

3. Convene a peace conference

Conflict does not resolve itself. It must be dealt with intentionally ' deliberately. Conflict gets worse when you leave it alone. Hearts grow hardened and positions get solidified, and bridges get broken beyond repair. So you have to intentionally deal with the conflict.
The Bible is very specific about this. In Matthew 5, Jesus says, "If you remember that someone has something against you leave your gift at the altar and go at once to make peace. Then come back and offer your gift to God." It is impossible to worship with bitterness in your heart and unresolved conflict with others.

Jesus says don't ignore it. Deal with the issue while you can deal with it. If you've got something wrong with somebody or they've got something wrong with you, God says you go to them.
When? At once. Postponed conflict only gets worse. Another verse in the Bible says, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." I think that means 24 hours would be a maximum amount of time you should let something go unresolved. You need to do it as soon as possible, before it festers and turns into bitterness.

4. Consider my mate's perspective

I can't just look at my own viewpoint, my own situation; I have to look at your viewpoint too. This is very difficult because it's not natural. It is not natural for me to look at life from Kay's viewpoint. It is not natural for me to look at life from your viewpoint. This requires an intentional shift where I have to change my focus from looking at my needs to looking at your needs. It takes God to do that. It is a mental shift that we do not do naturally. But it's the secret of resolving conflict.

The secret of resolving conflict is understanding where people are coming from. When you understand where people are coming from, it's so much easier. The better you understand somebody, the less conflict you're going to have with him or her, because you know how to deal with him or her.

How do you learn to understand someone' Listen. Listen more than you talk. This again, is not easy for many of us. It's not easy for me. Some of us get so anxious to make our point, to tell our side, to defend ourselves; we don't even stop to listen to what the other person is saying or their point of view. We must seek to understand before seeking to be understood.

The Bible says in Philippians 2:4, "Look to each other's interest and not merely your own." The word "look' in Greek is scopos. It's like a scope on a rifle or a microscope. It means pay attention. You are most like Christ when you ask, "What are her/his needs and how can I meet them'" When you're angry, you're preoccupied with yourself. But when you're like Christ, you look to each other's interest and not merely your own. One of the most powerful peace making statements is when you say to your husband/wife, "I'm sorry. I was only thinking of myself."

5. Concentrate on reconciliation, not resolution

There's a very important difference. Reconciliation means to re-establish the relationship. Resolution means to resolve every issue by coming to agreement on everything. That's not going to happen.
You'll discover there are some things you're never going to agree on. I don't care if you both love the Lord and are both dramatically in love with each other. There are some things you're never going to agree on simply because God has wired us differently.

You're not going to agree with everything your mate believes or thinks. But you can disagree without being disagreeable. That's called wisdom. The Bible says in James 3, "Wisdom is peace loving and courteous. It allows discussion and it is willing to yield to others." The Bible says it's wise to compromise. You can have unity without uniformity. You can walk hand in hand without seeing eye to eye. You can have reconciliation without resolution of every issue.

Some of you are worn out from the conflict in your marriage. You want to throw in the towel. Don't do it! It is more rewarding to resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship.
So your homework is to schedule a peace conference.

Let me close with a couple of suggestions:

1. Some of you may need to get professional help. Many marriages are miserable, and they go year after year with the same old problems, because they're just too proud to go get help. Don't go to just anybody. Get a godly counselor who bases his/her practice on God's Word.

2. The other thing you need to do is get help from God. You can't do this on your own. I've seen these steps work. But you need Christ's power to work them.

Many marriage conflicts would be solved overnight if both the husband and wife would kneel before Jesus Christ and say, "We humble ourselves and humbly ask You to make this thing work. We submit our egos to You and our hurts to You. Jesus Christ, do what only You can do."
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Got this article in my subscription to " a better life" from purpose driven life website. Hope this will help couples resolve conflicts in their marriage. Hubs is off for a three day youth camp this week so I'm having all the time to search, read and post good articles sitting in my file folder. I also have time to search for Comfort Inn New York City hotel and the scary swine flu.