Thoughts on Motherhood

Last night I spent hours and hours reading a mother’s blog. But that is no ordinary blog. The very first entry I read was the birthing story of her 2nd daughter and from that post you can feel every emotion that comes along with it.

- frustration
- fear
- expectancy
- joy
- pain
- happiness

and a lot more.

You see, her 2nd daughter is special (has down syndrome) but the blog is not about down syndrome, it is about a mother’s life and most of all the MOTHER’s LOVE. Love for life, love for her daughters.

Now, reading that blog all night long made me think and re think and wonder if I will ever have the same experience as her, like all the mothers in the world. Conceiving, coming to full term and finally giving birth. I wonder If I’ll ever be able or capable of that mother’s love, that opportunity to love, nurture, care and be responsible for ones life. To be honest I sometimes lose hope.

I turned 37 last week, we’re on our 4th year wedding anniversary this coming April. I stopped consultation with the OB two years ago, I admit it’s financially and emotionally draining and we don’t have much to drain on the financial side.

Sometimes I ask why can’t I just be pregnant like anybody else. Why everything is too hard for me, too hard to lose weight, to hard to conceive, too hard to exercise (walking is the only exercise I am allowed to) and I can’t even seem to find the diets that works for me.

But I am not giving up, along with my prayers and your prayers, I will still give it a try. I am on the hunt for new OB (one that doesn’t charge too much) since last week. I am decided to be checked just before we go to our mission trip next next week.

So please keep on praying for us. It keeps us strong and hopeful.

Starting my week right

I feel bad that I did not attend church today. I didn't get up from bed until past 2:00 in the afternoon. I wish I fought the feeling of frustration and disappointment and just went on with my normal activity for today which going to church the first priority.

But I do feel a lot better now about that event last night. I know I cannot turn back time and I cannot bring back those pictures but I'm sure I can still have loads of memories to keep in the future.

And hello!! losing pictures is not as bad as not having food in the table, it is not as bad as not being able to feel the warmth love from people around you, not even as bad as having some kind of disease like cancer or Mesothelioma. So wasting a night and almost a day sulking about the loss of the pictures is enough. There are more important things to deal and think about than that.

And another week is about to start..I will choose to start it right.

Have a nice week everyone!!

Memories

If you are a facebook friend, probably you know by now that I feel bad right at this moment. I spent hours crying and trying to accept that all the important pictures I've taken for the past few years were now GONE. Christmas spent at the province with my parents, a nephew's graduation, a family reunion, a summer vacation, some trips we made as husband and wife and many many more memories.

I know I can't do anything about it now, in fact a facebook friend commented saying that memories were etched in our hearts and I now it's true but It's still different when you reminisce it with pictures, pictures that captured every emotion on that particular moment. I could only sigh and sigh.

I wish I had stored it somewhere in the web, I wish I made a back-up, I wish I had know the husband is reformatting the disk..but we can not turn back the time. I have to deal with it now.

So instead of reading about whole life insurance now, I'm trying to back up what's left at my photos and I will do it even if I don't sleep again tonight, i don't want another loss. It is too much to handle. Maybe you're wondering why It's a big deal for me..those are only pictures anyway but I am one of those people who value those a lot, as a matter of fact I always say that if ever our house is on fire I'll save all my photo album first because you can not make those memories again, you can not repeat another Christmas or another birthday in your life right? You can always replace furnitures and stuff but never an event that happened once in your life.

Sorry..this is such a rant.

Couple's Valentines Party

Just got home a while ago from our church Valentines day celebration, yes our church do celebrate it :) we're cheesy I know..hehe! but every year the Housewives Ministry organizes a Valentine Party for the couples in the church and every year the women of our church always look forward to it. Below are some pictures taken, Last year I was the host and the game master, this time me and my friend Carmel hosted it. It was lot of fun!!

(me and hubby)

This heart balloon was a DIY by me and hubby, we were at lost first when we tried it, the rod was bought from the local hardware and electrical supplies store. It's worth the effort though because the church people loved it!!

Here are more pictures from the party :)

(beautiful Carmel)

(the worship band in their wacky?/funny?post)

(Pastor Nonoy guessing what it is in his head)

(beautiful receptionists)

(enjoying the food)

(gorgeous housewives!)

Thankful Thursday-Birthday

Hello everyone! I am a bit early for our Thankful Thursday post :) As of this time, Iris doesn't have the post yet at her blog but I'll be checking her blog later.

This week is special because I celebrated my birthday last Monday, and I wanted to share with you how our heavenly Father demonstrated His love for me once again, As I have mentioned before, it was just an ordinary day for me, I didn't plan anything on my birthday, no dinner hosting for friends, no going out with the husband.

But I did pray that morning, I ask God to just show me He loves me that day, I said do something unusual Lord, something that will surprise me (because guess what? I have never ever been surprised in any of my birthday celebrations) and our loving Father just did what I asked. I love HIM!!

When I get home that night, there are friends at home, there are foods and there are even balloons and a cake!! I felt so love and appreciated :) I know it is the Lord showing me He loves me through my friends.

And what surprised me most? nope not the fat burning product but when I found this in our bed..


I am surprised because the husband is not into this, I mean he is not the type who will buy something like this, he gave me flowers before but flowers that are just picked up from somewhere, this is the first arranged flowers and the letter that comes with it is even more surprising!!

I had a wonderful birthday because I have wonderful friends and a very loving husband and all of that because I have a great Father up above!!!

Randomness

I've been staring at this white blank page for over 30 minutes now. I can't seem to find anything to blog or any interesting thing to write, I have few in my minds which I think is worth it to share but I wanted to include pictures so that have to wait till tomorrow. (I should say later because it's already 2:02 AM)

I think my insomnia is back, I've been sleeping late again these past few days, which is so bad because that means hard time waking up in the morning to be on time at the office. This is when I think most of not having a day job, but I know I cannot still afford that.

Anyways, I've got to look for industrial hand wheels for a while and will try to go to bed soon hoping to get at least 4 hours of sleep.

It's Thursday today so I'll have another Thankful post later! watch out for it!

God bless everyone!

LJBC Las Pinas Anniversary

Just want to share some pictures from our church outreach anniversary last Sunday.
These young people have loads of energies in them, they dance like there is no tomorrow, but I am glad they do dance for the Lord! No hydroxycut side effects huh? yup..because obviously they don't need it. hehe!
This is their worship team, the young teen plays guitar and a 13 year old girl plays the drums. Amazing talents! and what makes it more amazing is that they maybe young but they are already being used in God's Kingdom :)

Happy 11th Anniversary LJBC Las Pinas!!

Celebration

I didn’t have any plans of celebrating my birthday. But friends surprised me last night, when I came home there was a table with loads of foods waiting for me, a cake and some balloons too! Thank you so much to me dear friends and to dear husband.

God loves me truly! You know why? I asked God to show me He loves me yesterday, like a daughter making request to his father because it’s her birthday, and I was like anything Lord, anything that will surprise me. And so HE did! Through my friends and my husband.

So instead of reading the proactiv review last night, I had a good night spent with good friends at home.

Thanks everyone! Thank you Lord!

Our very first newsletter

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37

I turned 37 today, my current time is 2:15 February 8,2010

I wrote 35 things in my other blog 2 years ago when I turned 35 but I am not gonna do it now.

I think I am getting old, people get old, it is a reality, no anti aging product can stop anybody from getting old.

But I think you can choose the way you want to go old. I may not be getting any younger but I know in my heart I am aging gracefully because God is with me.

Today, I thank HIM for HIS wonderful and amazing LOVE. If HE hadn't love me, I won't be here writing this post and thanking Him.

"I was once lost..but now I'm found"

So..Happy birthday to mE!!